A Longterm Investor Looks Sudden Death In The Face — With Eric Markowitz

Channel: Alex Kantrowitz

Published at: 2024-08-28

YouTube video id: fMmVtdcZNLc

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMmVtdcZNLc

a long-term investor stares death in the
face and lives to tell the story today
we talk about what happened what he's
learned from it and how it's changed his
perspective on investing in life that's
coming up right after this welcome to
Big technology podcast a show for
cool-headed nuance conversation of the
tech world and Beyond today we have a I
think it's going to be a fascinating
episode for you something different as
we round out our summer coverage I want
to bring you the story that Eric marwitz
has to tell he's a partner at night F
Capital which is a long-term uh focused
Investment Company and also uh somebody
that I know from journalism circles
we've been uh I've been a fan of his
work for quite some time and recently a
story he wrote about a health scare came
across my timeline and just absolutely
floored me had me uh sort of standing in
place for a few moments uh you know
following reading it and I thought it
was important to get Eric's story to you
as we sort of you know are in a part of
the Year where take a step back and
think about life and think about what's
in store moving forward and so Eric I'm
so glad to have you welcome to the show
yeah thank you Alex so let's start at
the very beginning here what happened to
you in early
2023 yeah I mean we can start there but
I think it's actually probably even more
practical to start what happened a
little bit before that which was in
2022 um you know I I I wrote about it in
the piece but um for all intents and
purposes I was a fairly healthy you know
mid-30s guy um married kid um working a
a job in in finance and investing and
2022 was a really rough year it was very
stressful um and towards the later part
of the year I think that the stress
started to really wear me down and um
you know all of a sudden in like January
2023 um you know just woke up one day
and didn't feel right um you know
our I previously kind of been feeling
fine no major health problems um but the
the major symptom I was getting which
was very bizarre was like an intense
vertigo dizziness and nausea um which I
hadn't experienced before um you know if
you've ever you know uh maybe had a few
too many to drink and you're letting
sitting in bed that night and the room's
kind of spinning um you know that was
the feeling but it was constant and I
don't really drink so it wasn't related
to that um what do you think it was
initially like when that started
happening you're like I just need to
sleep more or thought it was maybe some
sort of bug um you know I told my wife I
was like I just don't feel right um I'm
going to go lay down and then it just
kind of got worse and worse um to the
point where I was like projectile
vomiting and pretty um pretty intense
symptoms so went to the hospital um they
kind of initiated stroke protocol um so
did an MRI of my brain um you know and
the the scan as far as the radiologist
read it came back clean so they you know
the doctors were were kind of a little
bit confused um but said maybe it's
something like an inner ear disorder bpv
um maybe something called labyrinthitis
like an inner ear infection that causes
some like vestibular issues um and it'll
go away so few days discharged you know
go back home we're actually we were in
Santa Barbara where my wife's family is
and um you know it just got worse um so
it was a constant state of just the room
spinning constant nausea con vomiting I
just couldn't keep food down it was very
scary as you can imagine where you know
you just have this like intense vertigo
and for anyone who's experienced it you
know it's it's very unpleasant you know
bordering on terrifying and um quite
miserable um so we went back to the
hospital um they wait how long did it
take you between when you were sent home
and they said well it's probably nothing
to when you went back to the hospital so
I actually went so about day later I
went to go see um a ENT specialist um
your nose and throat your nose and
throat and they checked me out and I
mean I was really in bad shape in his
waiting room and I just started vomiting
in the waiting room and to his credit
you know he he said you're not good man
like you need to go back to the hospital
like this isn't normal um so went went
back to the hospital
um stayed there for 2 to 3 days days I
think three days maybe um and still kind
of like no answers you know they gave me
fluids that was primarily um what what
happened at the hospital and was checked
out and uh the situation was kind of
getting worse and worse um and and yet
was discharged um I think with the idea
being we're not really helping him um
we'll just see if he can get maybe a
little bit better on his own he's stable
right now um in retrospect you know
probably should have stayed Hospital
probably should have advocated for that
but um you know hindsight is Is 2020 of
course and um again like that initial I
think the key the key thing here is the
the initial scan um was read as you know
no problems with my brain um so you know
fast forward you know a few days then a
couple of weeks we um we live in
Portland Oregon so um we flew back up
which was kind of a harrowing experience
my father-in-law had to come um you know
I was wheeled onto the plane in a in a
in a wheelchair couldn't really walk um
any sort of slight movement of my head
just triggered like intense nausea
vomiting vertigo um got back to Portland
though and went and saw a few more
specialist everyone was kind of you know
just very confused by it couldn't really
explain it I think going back because
the initial scan the radiologist read it
as no problems um so so you know at some
point I think this was like February um
mid-February of 2023 so about a month
passed and at that point I had lost
about 35 PBS in a
month um you know I was kind of
deteriorating really couldn't get out of
bed um couldn't sleep because any sort
of like motion would just trigger
intense nausea um you know quite
literally suffering I mean just really
deteriorating um and I think like you
know just taking a step back like the
you know I felt like this is just like a
it was just so bizarre because like I
had been pretty healthy up until that
but you know I hadn't really experienced
any sort of like major Health crisis and
for anyone who's gone through it you
know especially when you have like an
answer there's that's at least there's a
path to some sort of treatment but for
me um because there was this sort of um
you know what in retrospect was a
misdiagnosis there there was no real um
answer what I should be doing so the the
the main kind of commentary from doctors
up until that point was just wait it out
maybe it'll get better um my wife who
you know is amazing um who kind of kept
me like literally alive during this
period like
just bringing food just scheduling
doctor's appointments just like
literally getting me through the day
like the physical side also the
emotional side um to her credit really
advoc at for a second MRI um so a good
friend of mine picked me up went to the
ER to do another MRI and um you know
came out of the MRI machine and um you
know it's like it's like the tap you
never want to get they were like the
radiologist wants to speak with you so
they put me in a little booth they hand
me a phone and I guess it's all it's all
done remotely these days so the the
doctor on the other line just says you
know you have to get to the ER right
away you have and I think the wor used
was a a rapidly enhancing Le in your
brain um on your cerebellum which is
right which is your brain stem um you
know I asked him what it could be he was
kind of hesitant to give answers but
basically said you know it could be a
range of things it could be you know
brain cancer brain tumor um could be
something else but we don't know and you
posted the scan in the article that you
wrote I think and it looks like there
sort of grape that's just sitting there
in your
brain yeah like right so if you feel in
the back of your head that's your your
cerebellum which is like your little
brain so I think most people know about
the left brain right brain hemispheres
but there's actually like the much older
human part of the brain which is the
cerebellum which um is kind of like the
air traffic control for for your brain I
mean so all visual inputs go in that go
to your cerebellum your makes sense
of visual inputs and also um vestibular
inputs um so your appropriate reception
your ability to get balance in the world
um and yet it had like sprouted this
pretty you know Walnut sized or large
grap sized
um little lesion or um growth right
right on my brain
Stone and um so when's the
ER and you know at this point you know I
saw some neurologists and they kind of
said yeah we don't know what this is um
but you need to get it out immediately
um the worst case scenario is it's um a
g blastoma which is um brain cancer
brain tumor and if it's in your brain it
means it's likely m metab ize throughout
your body and I was told you know pretty
much like 6 months if it was a
successful surgery that would that's how
much you know you can expect to live
for um alternatively if it was something
like an abscess some sort of bacterial
absess which was extremely rare and in
some ways very
unlikely um that was more immediately
fatal because if it popped and the that
that um the ABS the bacteria from the
absess would get out it would go
directly into my brain stem and um Mix
move my
uh basically the the fluid that goes
through your um your your spine and um
you know it could it could be pretty
fatal um now when you hear this do you
even have the capacity to like sit back
and be like oh my God what's happening
or are you feeling so bad at this point
that the moment sort of washes over you
um yeah it's like a little bit of an
outof Body Experience um I think you
know
the the the real like Devastation for me
was you know we had an 18-month-old
daughter and
um just like the what hit me was like
just not being able to be there for her
right and it wasn't even guaranteed that
you were going to wake up from the
surgery that's right and it was unclear
at that point even you know who would do
the surgery um which is another element
with to the story which didn't didn't
put in the piece but um my like best
friend who lives here in Portland who
I've known for since College
um he this Ben Jacobs um the best man
you know gave he gave a speech my
wedding um so texted him called him
forget exactly but said this is what's
going on and he said let me call Zach
Zach being a high school friend of his
that had recently moved to Portland um
who had recently also finished his
neurosurgery residency at
Stanford and as a brain
surgeon and I had never met Zach but
because he was friends with Ben we had
kind of like in the weeks leading up to
this just had like tried to organize a
poker game but then I got sick and so we
never actually met but I knew of Zach I
knew that Ben had this friend who was a
brain surgeon so Ben called Zack Zach
was like in the middle of a surgery but
his I guess Ben got his wife on the
phone and then his wife contact Ed Ben
or Zack right after his surgery and said
you got to take a look at Eric's
scans so that day Zach took a look at
the scans and said I'll do the
surgery um we got do it right we got to
do it
immediately so the next day
um we I got prepped for surgery that
that night I actually because I was in a
different hospital and Zach had to Opera
in a different hospital I was actually
discharged went home um as I read about
in the piece you know kind of grappled
with
this situation I was in when um wrote
wrote my daughter a goodby letter you
know kind of like very practically got
things organized for my wife right so
you thought that this could potentially
be your your last night
yeah and you write in the
piece what do you tell an 18-month-old
child the day before you die sure you
tell them you love them but what else
how do you cram a lifetime of knowledge
into one little letter what did you
write um I'm not really ready to share
that truthfully okay I think it's like
if we're going to I'll probably just
start crying if I start talking about it
so um I will say that the letter is not
finished and I continue to write
it
um
so go to the hospital get ready for
surgery do the surgery I mean the
surgery itself is like highly risky um
because you're operating in a part of
the brain that um I mean within
millimeters if if there's like a mistake
you know you could potentially um just
not make it through the surgery so the
as as far as I recall Zach's initial
plan was to um actually biopsy the um
whatever was in there
and he kind of conferred with his
partners and they very rightly made the
decision a biopsy was a little bit too
dangerous because um if were to puncture
this lesion and it was in fact an
abscess you know it could puncture it
and that that could be could be very
dangerous so in some ways I think the
the more risky surgery which is a full
craniotomy which is to go in open up the
back of my the skull they take they kind
of drill a hole in the skull cut out the
skull um and go in and actually remove
it did that um and you know his initial
impression upon seeing it was this
doesn't look like cancer
um you know it's like this bizarre
absess and so I woke up in the ICU I
remember I mean I vaguely remember this
but I do remember seeing Zach standing
there and you know my first question was
as a Cancer and he said I don't think
so um you know and I'll I'll never
forget but it was just like this odd
just feeling of like relief but then
also in like the the hours that followed
this uncertainty of well is are they
sure you know like theology hasn't come
back yet I mean just the moment of
waking up like you write it in the story
and it's so powerful you say the
anesthesiologist stepped into the room
count backwards anyone who's had surgery
knows this right count backwards 10 9 8
darkness and you write in my mind I
traveled a million miles and then a
funny thing happened I woke
up what was it like waking up
um
I first of all I was under a lot of
drugs
so you know anyone who's woken up from
an like anesthesia knows you're sort of
feeling a little bit High quite
literally um but of ultimate like relief
and almost in the in the hours and the
days that followed um a sense of
euphoria MH which I been very like
fortunate to talk with a lot of people
in the last year or so that have gone
through these experiences and there is
this like survivors euphoria that you
feel and I think I I was beginning to
feel it in that moment
of okay I made it like everything's
different
now um all of the
like things that I thought were
important before um recal ating what
actually is important right and it's
such a fascinating story because as you
you describe it in your story you're a
long-term oriented investor always
thinking about the longterm and here
you're like faced with the prospect of
uh maybe there is no long-term but in
good news it turned out that it was
indeed right an abscess and that they
cleared it out yeah um I mean I'll get
into the longterm thing in a second but
just to kind of close the loop on the
story uh it was like an episode of House
they took this thing out um no one could
explain where it came from um in the
weeks and months that followed I had to
do um like really intense intravenous
antibiotics to begin with nine times a
day so I had a port in my arm and then I
had a port in my chest and after even I
was discharged from the hospital I would
have to give myself injections
throughout the day of these really
hardcore kind of like um just intense
antibiotics that make the symptoms way
worse you know just it's almost someone
describes it as like kind of like
chemotherapy just makes you super
nauseous it kills everything in your
body um but they so you didn't feel
instantly better from like the symptoms
that you had they remained even though
the absess was out yeah yeah and you
know there's like a a a a piece of um I
mean there's kind of a there's a it's
funny it's it's like there's an old um
Yiddish expression that I remember like
my grandparents using called locken
which means like oh I need this like I
need a hole in my head and it's I have a
hole in my head now like I know that
experience um they took something out
and so uh yeah the the most important
thing is in the in the months that
following everything looked good um you
know there's no recurrence there's no
like hydril is should be fine um I have
residual symptoms but they're manageable
I'm getting through them
um the the source of the infection was
never located which to this day I get
like you know infectious disease doctors
reaching out to me like how did this
happen like no one knows um at some at
one point they scanned my jaw and found
some sort of lesion in my jaw so I had
surgery like a really intense surgery in
my jaw to remove this thing turned out
to be totally
non-related um so we'll never know so I
think there's like a lot of uncertainty
to it
which is part of the experience for me
is um so I think the irony and maybe not
the irony but maybe um you know just why
this this story is like
so I think like interesting that it
happened is like I had really based my
professional and like kind of personal
life around this idea of long-termism
like as a firm long-term investors um
truly believe in the power of
compounding I write about this in weekly
newsl
like all good things take time um the
whole sort of like I've been enamored
with like the buffet ideology of
just wait it out
patience and yeah you write in the piece
that you said I mean this is just what
you say here I was 35 years old out of
time no more compounding no more
long-term long long-termism and by the
way this is long-termism like in finance
not like the long-termism as far as like
AI risk I don't think you can correct me
if I'm wrong on that but you wrote hell
our firm's tagline that I wrote myself
was investors focused on the future and
um you quote the Warren Buffett saying
that our favorite holding period is
forever yeah yeah and it's I mean in
retrospect it's like man that is like a
real level of hubris to think you have
that like I think that we take this idea
for granted long-termism um it's a it's
a nice sound bite and it's
true uh to say that thinking and acting
long term is really really important but
on a deeper level it's not guaranteed
none of it is
guaranteed and and so anything can
derail the long term at any point and
so for me it was a real like wake up
call of you know it's a real privilege
to to have a long-term mindset um to
enjoy the fruits of compounding is is
like a really lucky position to be in
you know like I will be really lucky to
have a 30-year career uh of compounding
and to not really ever lose sight of
that right okay I want to get into how
your life has changed uh since but I
have to ask you a question that's been
sitting with me since you talked to me
about talked us about Zack uh you're
really entrusted your your life to I
mean of course he graduated from
Stanford but I imagine a rookie
neurosurgeon who a friend recommended
that's bold
um yeah
there in that moment I think that there
was actually quite a bit of comfort in
knowing that he there was a personal
connection
um but yeah I mean we're like mid-30s it
was like yeah you could you could go
with the guy who's like maybe been
around or for 20 30 years doing it or
like you say a rookie
um I think given just the time
constraints it wasn't like I could shop
around for a neurosurgeon right um y the
reality was that it was either Zach or
whoever was on call
okay so good job going with Zach Z's man
Z The Oregon Clinic if anyone needs back
surgery or brain surgery yeah and you
had a friend who texted you or told you
as this was going on uh they said this
kind of shattering event is showing up
right on schedule it doesn't mean it
will all be pleasant but it might be
Redemptive it's the horrendous reset
that's going to set you up for real
creative synthesis for a real creative
synthesis stage um so of course like you
know it only is app
you know if you made it through and you
did make it through thankfully uh so I I
want to hear from your perspective you
know one of the things that also stuck
out for me from the beginning of this
story uh was you described being healthy
but not really being healthy I think I I
highlighted this when I was like taking
notes on your your story uh this was the
thing that really stuck out for me uh
you said um I wasn't living an entirely
healthy long-term oriented lifestyle
even though you were like a long-term
preaching investor I was constantly
stressed at work I had stopped
exercising I was glued to my phone and
to the market and in the month leading
up to my condition we were having a
rough year and it was all I could think
about I'd dream about stock prices I'd
wake up in a panic and to underscore you
right despite the ideals of long-termism
uh I professionally and publicly Pro
promoted I was in fact living a
lifestyle that was just the opposite I
was myopically focused on the short term
on success on the dayto day I avoided
seeing friends my marriage was becoming
stressed things were unraveling and I
think there's there's definitely
elements of truth of that when I read it
it's it reflected in my life for sure
and I think that like it's not a a
uncommon thing I think among people
working today to feel these these very
same things yeah so how did you look at
at that in
retrospect um after the health incident
yeah I I I think it's something that
probably even as much as mental health
gets talked about now probably still
isn't really talked about enough of you
know how we actually in our daytoday
spend our time um I I think if you're if
you're ambitious and you're motivated
it's very easy to fall into the sort of
like success trap of staying focused on
like what's happening today how can I
optimize for today what like how can I
increase my output how can I increase
performance and I think you see that
online of this sort of um like intensity
around optimization and performance and
there are elements that are that are
important you know and I think really
healthy but I think for me um and
probably for a lot of people it's easy
to um get a little
too I guess focused on on on those sort
of like metrics um and right like the
next performance review the stock price
you know in the court or the whatever
the sales for the court or what happened
today ex right and I'm attracting
because everyone's you know situation
and profession is different but I think
across like all ambitious you know
midcareer later career whatever it is
like there's an intensity of success
whatever around the kpi is and
I think coming out of this experience um
it's not that I have like a lower level
of ambition I think the ambition is
still there to like really put up good
numbers and and succeed and like have
our firm do really well and like for
performance to be really good those
Ambitions are still there it's just
maybe put into a bit more of a holistic
perspective of of how you go about
achieving those things and ultimately
maybe ironic
um the the more you
subtract and the the less intense you
are the the greater potential for for
better
outcomes and say more about that yeah so
so I think that like so many things in
life you can't force things like you
can't force relationships you can't
force um you can't force
success um and I think looking back and
not just in 2022 too but like you know
probably a lot of my professional life
um there was a lot of like pushing
pushing pushing to to achieve
and that it didn't give enough space for
like actual compounding and good things
to
happen um and so I think that it's been
a refocusing in a very simple way of
like quality over quantity
so if I'm going to do something if I'm
going to you know research a company or
write something um or spend time you
know
um like just thinking about a new
industry that we should invest in
like spend a lot of time doing it you
know really like high quality time doing
something and same thing with
relationships like
mhm really focus on like important
relationships High quality relationships
and devote time there and then just cut
out the stuff that isn't
important yeah it's like knowing how let
me see if I can get this right you tell
me if I'm translating this correctly but
knowing
how impactful something in the near term
can be if you just get it done and then
allow that to compound to use your words
over time can put a lot of stress on
getting that short-term thing done and
um and it's almost like if you're super
long-term focused you can really go
bananas on the short term because you
understand how important that is down
the line um I mean you could even think
about like a like an investment right
you know puts money in something that
compounds it's like that dollar is worth
so much more down the line so you put a
lot of stake on that dollar because you
know where it's going to get you
Downstream but what you're saying I
think is
like zoom out AIT it and realize
that a little bit less but higher
quality is going to allow you to
appreciate the present and and survive
in the present but you'll also then take
advantage of that long-term compounding
as well yeah it's like it's a true um
less is more attitude and I think that
in practice what it means
is concentration really matters so I
kind of go back to like even our my
roots as an investor our firm like we
are concentrated right and there's a
reason we're
concentrated um because if you spread
your bets to thin you're never really
going to create anything meaningful
right um and I think that like that
philosophy is true across life if you
try to be friends with a thousand
different people you're likely not going
to be a great friend to
five um and I and so that has been this
is all you know I'm only a year and a
half out of this but for me I think like
the major takeaway has
been concentrate on what really matters
like focus on what actually matters the
rest is noise everything else is noise I
mean the little stuff like the little
you know as you said like the quarterly
earnings like the the little like
fluctuations in the market the like
annoying email that you have to respond
to the um you know the household chores
that like you just don't want just the
little stuff is little mhm and and
really focus on like the actual
important things yeah so there's
definitely I can read in your writing an
appreciation for the moment and uh a way
to like sort of think about the bigger
picture is there anything in particular
like that you've changed in your life
since like in terms of the way you spend
your
time I think just more intensity with
the things that I'm choosing to spend
time with so um being like with my
daughter who just turned three um who I
love to death but is totally nuts um
like just being really present with her
whereas before maybe I was kind of
present but not fully
present um just really leaning
into moments with people to develop
really close connections um and then you
know just like in our business even I
mean we started transition positioning
our business as something I really felt
could compound over the long
term and I'm really proud of it and
coming out of this experience I think
it's actually created like some
wonderful changes and
opportunities from a business
perspective that likely wouldn't have
happened if you know I hadn't gone
through this Y and this is like the list
that you give in the story of the things
that you're doing differently you say I
read more I talk to new people I made uh
more effort in relationships no longer
think about getting through the day but
what you're building over the long run I
put my down my phone down uh and I ask
how do I set up my life today to ensure
my kids and their kids will be set
up do you think that's sustainable like
trying I mean it's so the system is so
powerful in directing you back into sort
of this short-term thinking so you said
you said yourself you're just a year and
a half out do you think you'll be
managed be able to um sustain this type
of mentality I hope so I and I'm also
like if you ask my wife
probably you know say he's not you know
he's not
100% so I want to be you know um we
should be fact checked on these types of
things and you should have her on and
she can you know can
compare on next week's episode Eric's
wife was
true um yeah everything SS um
no I think for the big picture stuff I
think she'd agree with um if it's
sustainable it's a constant I mean as
your audience who probably people much
smarter than me like it's an iterative
process I think um my my view on even
sustainability itself is like just the
way to be sustainable is to constantly
change the process constantly tweak it
uh sustainability isn't necessarily like
a you have one system in your life and
that's the system you go with um
sustainability is change there's like
flexibility uh right and so yeah just
like being long term I mean my view on
it hasn't totally shifted but what I
have change like my my view on the long
term is not as simple as well you do one
thing you hold it and that's long term
like the whole Buy and Hold thing I mean
Buy and Hold like only works if you're
like constantly tweaking in the short
term
and constantly improving to enable like
the Buy and Hold mindset in life um so
it's not as simplistic as
uh yeah to be long term you just you
know you do one thing and you just like
and it's like the James Clear Tomic just
a little bit every day I think it's like
actually much more Dynamic and you have
to be thinking about making small
improvements and small changes and over
time like that is what creates
sustainability making small ches as you
go now you you said like I think pretty
definitively in your piece that you
believe that the lifestyle that you were
leading led to the health
issue I think that there
are so many studies about
stress
that reveal to me that we don't really
fully understand how stress impacts the
body but we know that stress impacts the
body and I think from like a very
simplistic level I think that my immune
system was shot I think I would worked
out and I think that um you know the
that stress can kill and it's a little
bit vague how it can kill but this is
one example right how I think it could
which is your immune system gets shot
and then some sneaky little bacteria
Finds Its way through the bloodb brain
barrier in my case and becomes an
infection and like the worst part and
you know stress also can just lead to
other types of issues um I think sleep
has become like an really super
important like Cornerstone of recovery
for me and um that's something that I've
learned a lot about just in in the last
year and a half of like if you're not
sleeping you you literally like your
your brain is just not operating at like
its full potential right so what do you
had eight
hours yeah if I can we're about to have
another kit okay there goes to
sleep so uh yeah yeah um but it you know
the it's a long-term bet um the next kid
right uh yes so so so I think yeah I'm
you know I think if you can get eight
hours like for me that that's what works
I go to bed super early I don't go out
anymore um you know but I I I think like
all of these things matter and I think
anyone who has like preached like they
have the the right you know
formula um is probably lying to some
extent I think it's uh I I think it's an
iterative process itself of like
figuring out what sleep Cadence the food
um stress level
I think that there's like a there
there's a there's a really healthy
balance of both ambition but
also just like not ambition whatever the
opposite of ambition is of just relaxing
just enjoying the moment yeah it is
interesting it's
like it you you were almost killed by
the system effectively and you have
decided not to disengage from the system
but just to meet it on your own terms
yeah it's like we're playing by my by
your rules now yeah yeah and I I I mean
that's part of the reason why I went
public with the
story is I think I think a lot of people
kind of like feel like they're you know
sort of Trapped in this system right and
and it's really it can be over
overwhelming um and you don't really
have to play by those rules necessarily
it's very freeing to realize you know
life is very short and hit by a bus
tomorrow and you can kind of I'm also
like I should point out extremely
privileged to be able to do any of these
things right like financially socially
like just where I was born just won the
lottery by being born where I was um so
none of this like I take for granted
anymore and very grateful for it but for
people who are like maybe in a similar
position that I was I just wanted to
maybe
be somewhat of a voice out there to say
look I went through this really shitty
thing um and I think it was like it
happened because of my lifestyle it's
just unsu yeah and um and coming out of
it you know I'm not like
some some genius who has like some
incredible perspect I I I I really don't
know if I have any wisdom coming out of
this um but I do have like a real
grounding
for yeah what really like matters is is
not what I thought it did necessarily
yep uh one more question for you before
we wrap from a personal finance
standpoint I mean it is interesting like
a lot of people just like save up but
never really get a chance to see the
fruit of all that saving like I've heard
so many stories of like people who like
you know rough life retire die in the
first year of retirement um do you think
any differently about the way that you
approach personal finances now after
having gone through this
that's a really great question
um in in some ways yes I I I think
like I think that inevitably I feel a
little bit more averse to risk right
that's like a that's a complex thing to
say because that doesn't necessarily
mean that um you know oh I go to all all
cash because I actually think that means
like very risky to do something like
that that also doesn't mean like go all
in on like index funds which I think is
also very risky um and that's like my
particular view of of risk so I the only
like practical way that it's changed my
view is I focus more on like terminal
risk of an
investment um what does that mean so
like building in a scenario in which
like I am completely wrong on the thesis
on something in 30 years is there what
is the odds that this go to
zero and
I think about that a lot now I think
about that also in the sense of like
nothing lasts forever I mean it's you
know like a renewed sense of just
mortality things nothing lasts forever
things can die at any point and I think
about that with Investments and and
business constantly um which
is this is probably a subject for
another discussion but like the the area
I've become really focused on is I think
modern culture spends too much time
Focus focusing on growth and not enough
on Survival MH and when you focus so
much on growth the key metrics you're
trying to hit are Topline numbers like
something that can grow at 30% right
what in my mind maybe a better metric if
you're truly trying to think about okay
can this investment can this you know
thesis sustain over 30 years or 40 years
like can this provide for my kid the
real question to ask is can this thing
grow at 2% a year but for 50
years and it's a it's a it's a reframing
of an
investment idea um and it's one I think
that doesn't get talked enough about in
in Business Media and certainly on you
know if you pull up like Bloomberg or
CNBC they're not you know they're saying
what happened over this last quarter
right they're not asking the question of
like will this business exist in 25
years I push back a little bit on that
from the CNBC standpoint but
and take your point um so you're also
writing about the long term and you have
a new column at Big think which is this
one kicked off the um the Cadence yeah
so I'll be writing at at Big think which
is a really great media organization in
their sister site freeth um which is
also I think really um really high
quality uh journalism and also just sort
of like practical advice for
people who work in business um but the
column I'll be writing is called the
long game um it's about the practice and
philosophy of of long-term
thinking and um I'll be writing a column
every couple of weeks in addition to my
um the newsletter the Nightcrawler which
I've I've written for uh three years now
um and and so the know like the
Nightcrawler is all about just long-term
investing and Technology Trends um um
the big thing column will be in a
similar vein um about you know business
and technology but really focused
on how how people who work in business
investing entrepreneurs like really I
think I'm trying to offer some practical
ideas and just thoughts about truly
playing the long game both in life and
in business yeah well Eric uh crazy
story brush with death and you live to
tell the story and I think these lessons
are really Universal uh and I know I'll
be taking them with me as you know as I
think more about balancing business and
life and um I love that that that
concept of being in the system but but
attacking it on your own terms so thanks
so much for joining great to speak with
you yeah thank you Alex it was uh it was
great to be here and talk to you about
it awesome all right everybody thank you
for listening enjoy uh another summer
weekend and we'll see you next time on
big technology podcast